It is sometimes a strange and silly temptation and desire of my hear that "I want more...I want more students". And not in the kind of "I want more students to influence for the gospel of Jesus Christ so that they find infinite joy in Him" sorta more, but the "I want more because I'm not finding my identity and satisfaction in Jesus" sorta more.
In other words, I'm a sinner.
I sometimes will think on a Wednesday night, "there are not as many students here as last week...bummer". And many times its a good thing to feel that. I DO want more students to hear the gospel, be saved, and be discipled! However, the other times I just want a "bigger ministry", or some similar silly nonsense of my heart. There was a brief moment tonight where I thought that. However, my God graciously kicked me, and rather put in my mind, "there are 50 souls sitting in front of you right now. I'm giving you stewardship and pastoral care of them. I'm in control and it is I who give the growth...but don't forget to take care how you build on my foundation of my Son." So, He didn't say quite all of that, nor did he quote 1 Cor 3, but He DID open my eyes a bit more to see. And what I saw was astounding: 50 souls sitting under our care, preaching, guidance, etc.
That is scary, and it is moments like this that I'm especially joyful that Christ is glorified in my weaknesses, because I'm feeling weak to accomplish what 50 souls need to grow and mature!